Saturday, March 31, 2012

(April Fools') Mists of Pandaria A Hoax! New Expansion Dubbed “Wrath of the Warchief”

Potential box art for the new expansion.
It is the moment everyone was hoping for: that Mists of Pandaria, was, in fact, a joke. As one source says: “It wasn’t even a good expansion idea anyways.” Another says: “The damn panda fetish went too far, I think. They were even thinking of adding the pandas back to Illidan's weapons again.”

With that said, they announced that the new expansion would be appropriate to their recently announced final boss, Garrosh Hellscream. “We have decided to name the expansion Wrath of the Warchief.Obviously, this raised the question of why that name specifically, but that was also answered by sources quickly. According to one such source: “One thing we learned from Wrath of the Lich King is that despite the fact there were numerous complaints about the content being too easy, it did bring a record high amount of subscribers. We believe this is related to the name of the expansion and the villain. This is why we decided to make everyone hate Garrosh so that we could again have similar results in this new expansion.”

A new slew of changes were also announced in addition to this sudden change of expansion name, including:
  • The removal of every arena in the game, which would then be replaced by a flat, clear 50 yard by 50 yard plot of land that will serve as the area for all arena matches. “This was in response to all the players who complained about the designs of arenas. For instance, line-of-sight blocking obstacles.”
  • A battleground based off Call of Duty, only for Hunters using gun-type weapons “to cater to even more types of players.”
  • Characters being instantly leveled to 90 “because the end game is what matters and leveling is a hassle.”
  • A return to the Emblem system “because it worked so well in Wrath of the Lich King.”
  • Legendary weapons scaling with the player “because it would truly make them legendary. Thori’dal, the Stars’ Fury is not included because it will be converted to epic quality.”
  • Two new legendary weapons: “both will be for Warriors”
  • Instant teleportation to anywhere in the game “implementing this feature will push back the expansion by about four more years, but players simply don’t want to travel, so we think it’s worth it.”
  • A new continent dedicated to players interested in the Pet Battle system. “It will be called Cantoe, and we plan to release new continents periodically. The ultimate challenge will be the Epic Quad.”
  • An option to replace the Pandaren model with other in-game models, “such as Gnome, Male Blood Elf, and, most importantly, Female Dwarf. We understand people don't like 'Kung Fu Pandas.'"
  • The ability to move from server to server at will with any character without restrictions "because with the new systems in place, realm communities have become more and more obsolete. In addition, we're trying to get more people from Runescape to play."
With that said, this expansion looks to be very promising. What do you think?


1 comment:

  1. Sir. This is hilarious. Truly fantabulous. I love the pokemon reference and it was just... props for this bro. Props.